September 26th, 2009 (11:15 am)
current mood: guilty
Okay, so I've been a huge lazy-ass lately! LOL! I know, I know, I'm sorries! I haven't posted in forever, but I just feel like...belgh! What's been going on in my life that's so exciting? You know? I get up, I go to work, (I think I'm getting carpal in my wrist, elbow, and shoulder--or tendinitis, whatever, cuz they alternately hurt and feel tingly numb. We don't have arm rests on our chairs, and our desks are situated funny so my right arm--dominant hand, and all--is constantly hanging off my shoulder very unhealthfully and...ow.), I then come home, occasionally watch some boob-tube, read, read on ff.net, and go to beddies just so I can get up and do it again. I don't DO anything. I have no car, and the Cincy metro is kinda the suck in terms of routes and destinations. Plus...I IS ALL ALOOOOONE!!!! My peeps have all left me and gotten real lives. (Not that I blame y'alls. I just...am lonely. I don't make friends easily, not real ones, and don't get me wrong, I like my solitude, but I miss you guys who used to be here.
Which is a nice segue into this little bit of me-ness: I'm thinking of joining Geek2Geek, that internet dating, chat place for, well, geeks, obviuosly. I mean, where else am I going to find someone who gets the reference "If you can't run, you crawl, and if you can't do that, you find someone to carry you"? Or who knows how to read manga correctly, and understands Buffy references, and won't think I'm a total freak if I squee about fanfiction and icons and wallpapers featuring my ship-of-the-year? And, even better, someone who won't think it's weird when I crack out my tarot cards and do a quick celtic cross or when I HAVE to stop in the bookstore before I leave the mall and spend an hour and a half ogling the pretties.
See, the problem with me, I'll admit, is that I'm a hypocrite. Let me explain: I'm rather chubby. I'd call myself fat, though there are definitely those who are larger than me. I'm also not particularly pretty. I clean up okay, and I'm even...cute, I guess, when I put my mind to it. But my face is kind of squished together (true-- I had someone at Lenscrafters a few years ago helping me pick out new frames and she mentioned that my facial features were all centered very close together) and plus with the extra poundage, I'm not classically pretty. It's not low self-esteem, it's owning a mirror and knowing what I look like. But...I like hot guys. I'd like someone who's interested in me to be thinnish and handsome. Well kept, well groomed, and yummy. And those guys??? Are never going to look twice at me. I know this. It's an evolutionary perogative--good-looking people end up with good-looking people, the smart to the smart, the wealthy with the wealthy...like attacts like in all things except physics. But when some...troll gives me what he clearly thinks is a charming smirk (usually just creepy) and says (INVARIABLY! EVERY FRIGGIN' TIME!!!) "Hey, baby, what's yo' name?" (Uh, Not Interested.) all I can think is, why do cute guys never flirt with me.
Also, snob. I know. It's a failing, but I'm not sure it's one I'm willing to give up. I mean, is it snobbery or standards? Probably a bit of both.
Okay, I've burdened you all with my pathos enough for one post. As always, I'll try to update more often. LOVE YOU ALL!